How an End is Played Out

What may be considered a round is called an ‘end’ in lawn bowling, and in these ends, players will try to roll their bowls closest to the jack, which is the white ball. There is a lot of strategy involved here and that’s where many lawn bowling tactics come into play but first, it must be decided which team is going to start the end. This is quite an important part to play as the first ball thrown is the jack. If the jack does not land in a position allowed within lawn bowling guidelines, the next player will then throw the jack. This is often though an unecessary step as the jack is usually thrown within accordance with the rules on the first try.

To determine which player will be the first to throw the jack, a coin is flipped. After that, players take turns individually to try and either get their bowl close to the jack or to knock opponent’s bowls out of the way. Once the end has played out, the player with the most number of bowls closest to the jack will get 1 point for every bowl closer than the nearest opponent’s bowl. Any number of ends can be played, depending on the amount of points they have predetermined the winner must have before the game is over. The number of points varies but is generally 15, 16, 18, or 21.

Should you Buy your Own Bowls?

When people take up a new hobby, one of the first things they consider is how much it is going to cost them, initially and in the future. The same is true for lawn bowling and while you won’t need much more than flat-bottomed shoes to start, the time will come when you will consider buying your own bowls and there are a few things to consider first.

When you first begin the sport, use the club’s bowls so that you will be able to try out different sizes and weights. This will allow you to determine which you feel the most comfortable with so that if the time ever does come for you to purchase your own, you will know what you like the best. Using the club’s bowls will also allow you to decide if you like the hobby enough to continue doing so on a regular basis. If this ends up being the case, and especially if you join a league, you will want to purchase your own bowls.

You can buy a new set of bowls for approximately £120 – £180, depending on the manufacturer, the color, and any specific emblem you would like placed on them. This may seem like an investment but consider that one set, which contains 4 bowls, will last you over a decade and it well seems worth it. However, because they are so durable and long-lasting, purchasing a used set is also a perfectly reasonable thing to do, especially for your first set. A used set of bowls will cost you approximately £20 – £50. In the end, how much you play and how much you love the game will really determine whether or not you should purchase your own set of bowls!

Bowls Jokes

Read the humourous bowls jokes and stories and send your own funnies into us to be published online

jokes@worldbowler.com

Bowls Stories / Team fun……

Bowling balls

A little old man boards a bus with a bowling wood in each of his front pockets.
He sits down next to a beautiful young lady, and she can’t help but glance quizzically at the man and his bulging pockets. It’s an uneasy few minutes before, finally, the little old man can take no more.
“Bowling balls,” he nods reassuringly.
The lady seems a little shocked, and stares on. Moments later, she says: “Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”

Half Hour Late
Half Hour Late A couple of weeks ago, I practised bowling with a new member.
We had fun during the practise, so I asked him if he wanted to practise next week.
He said: “Sure, but I might be a half hour late.”
The following week he shows up right on on time, and we practised, this time he plays left- handed.
I asked him if he wanted to practise again next week.
He replied: “Sure but I might be a half hour late.”
I then asked him :”How come some times you play right- handed and other times, left-handed.”
He said :”When I wake up in the morning and my wife is sleeping on her left side, I play left- handed and if she is on her right side, then I play right- handed.”
I then ask ;”So,what if she is laying flat on her back?” “That’s when I’ll be a half hour late!” he replied

The magic of bifocal glasses

An old man called Barry, practises Bowls with his pals each week, has just purchased a new pair of glasses.
On the first end, he draws four touchers. His friends are amazed. Again, on the 2nd and 3rd ends ‘4 touchers.
“Hey, Barry”, one friend asks, “what’s your secret? You’ve never bowled so well.’

‘ “Well guys, its these new bifocals. I see a small jack and a big jack.
I aim for the large one, and the rest is history.”

A few ends later, Barry needs to relieve himself so off to the toilets he goes.
When he returns, his trousers are drenched. `
`What happened Barry”
Barry, in confused voice, “I reached in and looked down, I saw a big one and a little one. I knew the big one wasn’t mine, so I put it back!”

How was your bowling game?

How was your bowling game, dear?” asked Jack’s wife Tracy.
“Well, I was bowling well, but my eyesight’s gotten so bad I couldn’t see where the bowl went.”

“But you’re seventy-five years old, Jack!” admonished his wife, “Why don’t you take my brother Scott along?” “But he’s eighty-five and doesn’t even bowl anymore,” protested Jack.

“But he’s got perfect eyesight. He could watch your bowl,” Tracy pointed out. The next day Jack bowled with Scott looking on. Jack bowled to a long jack. “Do you see it?” asked Jack.

“Yes,” Scott answered. “Well, where is it?” yelled Jack, peering up the green.

“I forgot.”

Four bowlers

Four bowlers were out on the ‘Green’ practising. As one of them was about to bowl at the 15th end, which was next to a busy road, they saw a funeral precession go by. Instead of bowling, the bowler removed his cap and placed it on his chest until the funeral had passed.

At this point, the other three said, “You know, that was the most touching thing I’ve ever seen.”

And the bowler answers, “Well, I was married to her for 15 years. It was the least I could do!”

Skip was having a hard time

In ‘Your Bowls Club’ a well known skip was having a hard time from the other three in his team who had failed to contribute anything throughout the game.

At the last end the third walked down to the mat to play his first bowl and pausing, shouted back up the rink. “Where’s our nearest bowl?”.

“In yer ******* hand!”, answered the skip.

Bowls Jokes / one liners

I rang up my local bowling club, I said “Is that the local bowling club?”
He said “It depends where you’re calling from.”

Lead: “How much am I short?”

Skip: “You ought to know, you’re closer to it”

I got a new set of bowls for the wife last week!
Best deal I’ve made in years.

If you think nobody cares, try missing a bowling match. Q: how do you spell skip?——–A: G.O.D

Q: What do you do with someone who can’t draw, can’t roll the jack, can’t set the mat, can’t keep score and won’t listen?—-A: Make them skip A Bowls Selectors Prayer

Blessed are they who can play sport

Blessed are they who can still be taught

Blessed are they who accept with grace

To play in any SELECTED place!!

Amen

Up and down, walking,
Often measuring, sometimes chalking
Shifting mats – keeping score,
hirty ends, maybe more,
Aching back – tired of limb,
Cheers for others, none for him,
Night draws on, darker, darker,
No one cares for he’s the marker! TO WIN TO WIN

It matters not whether you Win or Lose,
What matters is whether I Win or Lose! Lady Bowler says to her friend “As I said before I never repeat myself – as long as I can remember I have amnesia”

General Jokes! I’m not afraid of heights. I’m afraid of widths.
I saw a sign at a petrol station. It said ‘job vacancy’. There was another sign below it that said ’self service’. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit. I got a dog and named him ‘Stay’. Now, I go ‘Come here, Stay!’ After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn’t move at all. I spilled spot remover on my dog…now he’s gone. Right now I’m having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Sponges grow in the ocean … that kills me. I wonder how much deeper the oceans would be if that didn’t happen.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. The sign said “eight items or less”. So I changed my name to Les.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses and stops breathing. The other pulls out his mobile phone and dials 999.
He gasps: “My friend is dead! “What can I do?”
The operator says: “Calm down – I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
Silence, then the sound of a gunshot.
The hunter comes back on the line: “Ok – now what?” A man goes into a bar and says, “I’d like something tall, icy and full of gin.” The barman turns and shouts in the kitchen, “Oi, Tracey! Someone to see you!” Q: Why do married women weigh more than single women?
A: Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.

LACK OF VISION

70-year-old George went for his annual check-up. He told the doctor that he felt fine, but often had to go to the bathroom during the night. Then he said: “But you know Doc, I’m blessed. God knows my eyesight is going, so he puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I’m done!”

A little later in the day, Dr. Smith called George’s wife and said: “Your husband’s test results were fine, but he said something strange that has been bugging me. He claims that God turns the light on and off for him when uses the bathroom at night.”

Thelma exclaimed: “That old fool! He’s been peeing in the refrigerator again!”

Note from an old man: “I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.” Two old ladies, Sunny and Tina, were outside their nursing home having a smoke, when it started to rain.
Tina pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Sunny: “What’s that?”
Tina: “A condom.”
Sunny: “Where’d you get it?”
Tina: “You can get them at any chemist”
The next day, Sunny hobbled into the local chemist and announced to the pharmacist that she wanted to buy a pack of condoms.
The guy looked at her strangely (she was, after all, in her eighties), but politely asked what brand she preferred. “Doesn’t matter,” she replied, “as long as it fits on a Camel.” Mother of SIX A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife “Mother of Six” in spite of her objections.
One night they go to a party. The man decides that it’s time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, “Shall we go home Mother of Six?” His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion shouts back…
“Anytime you’re ready, Father of Four!”

Santa Claus brings poor Rudolph to the vet.

 He says to the vet, “Doctor, please do something for my Rudolph. His nose won’t light up.”

The vet walks out of the room and returns with a pet carrier. He places the pet carrier next to the reindeer, opens it and out steps a cat. The cat walks around the reindeer and sniffs it. The cat then walks back into the carrier.

 The animal doctor takes it out of the room and returns. He hands Santa Claus the bill. Santa gasps £450 pounds ! You didn’t do anything for my Rudolph and you’re charging me £450 pounds ?”

 The vet shrugged and replied, “That’s the usual charge.£50 pounds for the office visit and  £400 pounds for the CAT SCAN.” Ho Ho Ho 

Sign on the door of a vet’s waiting room, ‘Back in five minutes,  Sit……Stay’ 

A sign over a gynaecologist’s office: “Dr Jones, at your cervix”  

On the door of a plastic surgeon’s office: We can help you pick your nose!” 

At an optometrist’s office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.” 

On a maternity room door: “Push, Push, Push,”

In the front yard of a funeral home:  “Drive carefully We’ll wait.” 

A sign in the non-smoking area of a restaurant: “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take apprioruate action,” 

Ad  on the side of a plumber’s truck: We repair whatt your husband fixed,” 

Another slogan on the truck of a plumbing company; “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call a plumber 

 

 

 

 

Standing at the Railing of the Cruise ship – Joke

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said, ‘Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?’

‘Yes, I know,’ said the lady. ‘I need both my hands to hold onto this hat.’

‘But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!’ said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, ‘Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!’

                                                                          FIRST TIME SEX

                                                                                    .........

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over
 Friday night to meet, and have a dinner with her parents.

Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her

 boyfriend that after dinner, 

She would like to go out and make love for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, 

so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms,

 He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist

 helps the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms

 and sex, At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many

 condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 0pack, or family pack.

The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will

 be rather busy it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents are seated.

The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head,

 a minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with

 his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. 

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend

 leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, I had no idea 

you were this religious'

The boy turns, and whispers back 'I had no idea your father

 was a pharmacist'.

And how about those blasted tights --
They're sized by weight, you see,
So how come when I put them on
the crotch is at my knee?
I need to wear these glasses
as the print's been getting smaller,
And it wasn't very long ago
I know that I was taller.
Though my hair has turned to grey
and my skin no longer fits,
On the inside, I'm the same old me,
the outside's changed a bit. 

       THE OLDER MAN
 
A word of warning Lucy-
You'll have to make a few allowances.
At his age, his back goes out more often than
he does
 
Don't be fooled by that healthy glow....
it's not a sun tan....
it's just that all his liver spots have grown 
together.
 
Longevity runs in his family.....
when his grandfather dies he was pushing a
hundred and three!....
Mind you, that was on the M6!
 
I'm looking forward to those long, aummer
nights when we can all go over to their place
and sit round the table listening to the sound
of his arteries hardening.
 
I bet their first baby looks just like Dave 
all wrinkled and bald.
 
After the speeches, you may wish to shake the
bridegroom's hand,
but there's really no need...
at his age, just hold his hand and it'll shake
all by itself.

I could really enjoy his conversation if it weren't for two things... my ears!
 
He'll be speaking next and I can assure you he's really on form....
Chloroform!
 
He never opens his mouth unless he has nothing to say.
 
You can always tell when he's talking rubbish his lips are moving!
 
For the last six weeks she served up Chicken every Thursday..
What d'you mean "Whats wrong with that"
-it was the same Chicken!
 
I had a feeling there was something wrong
 from day one when I got up, walked into the
 kitchen and found her ironing the bacon!  
 
Isn't she a treasure!
I wonder who dug her up.

 
This all started when he was a
little boy and his father bought
 him a bat for his birthday
 Imagine his surprise when he unwrapped it
 and it flew away
 
Here's to our fisherman bold
Here,s to the fish he caught
Here,s to the one that got away
And here's to the one he bought
 
Ah yes! Give me some golf clubs,
some fresh air and a beautiful woman
....and you can keep the bloody clubs and the fresh air
 
You know the trouble with referees?...they don't give a  toss who wins
 
Playing rugger is a great way to meet new people
Paramedic,nurses orthopaedic surgeons...
 
 
The team is just like an old-fashioned bra
no cups and poor support
 
My policy is to let him think he's going to be
bossing the house...
when actually, he's going to be housing the boss!
 
Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods
All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave?
 
Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo! he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering,
Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!
He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.
 
The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about
Was the other Indian crazy or what??
 
The Indian replied No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler
Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo! into they opening If they get an answer back
it means theres a beautiful squaw in there waiting for us
Just then they came upon another cave, stopped and hollered
Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!
Immediately there was an answer
Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo! from deep inside
He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening
 
The Irish man wandered around the woods for a while
and then spied a third large Cave
 As he looked on in Amazement at the size of the opening he was thinking
Hoo Man  Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found
There must be a fine big woman in this cave  
 
He stood in front of the cave and Hollered with all his might
Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo! like the others he heard an answering call, WOOOOO,!  WOOOOO!  WOOOOO!
With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face,he raced into the cave tearing all his clothes off as he ran
 The following day the headlines of the local newspaper real.........................................  
 
 
YOUL LIKE THIS  
 
 
NAKED IRISHMAN RUN OVER BY TRAIN  ?????








 




 




Mum walked into the kitchen wearing her beautiful new fur coat..
Isn't it fabulous? SHE SAID TO HER DAUGHTER, What do you think?
Oh Mum replied the girl some poor dumb beast suffered so you could have that
Dorothy!  exclaimed her mum, Don't talk about your Father like that.
 
An old couple had retired to bed and the woman was feeling a bit frisky,
Oh Harold, she said, Sometimes it feels just like
yesterday that you would put your arm around me
as we lay in bed, Wheres all that romance gone So the old man, to keep her happy, put his arm around her.
And then, you used to kiss me, she continued
The old man sighed,
 turned over and kissed her
And then do you remember, she said exited;you,
used to nibble my ears?
At that, the old man got out of bed and walked to the door
Harold! she called sitting up in alarm where are you going?
Just to the bathroom to get my teeth!
 
The old man said to the doctor
Do you think Ill live another ten years?
Do you drink asked the Doctor
No
Do you Smoke
No
Do you have sex 
No
Then what do you want to live another ten years for?










Robert Whiting, an elderly Canadian gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on. 'You have been to France before, monsieur?' the customs officer asked sarcastically. Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.' The Canadian said, ''The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it. 'Impossible. Canadians always have to show passports on arrival in France!' The Canadian senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, ''Well, when I came ashore on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to.' You could have heard a pin drop.
Oh, I Wish I'd Looked After Me Tits                  By Pam Ayres Oh, I wish I'd looked after me dear old knockers, Not flashed them to boys behind the school lockers, Or let them get fondled by randy old dockers, Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits. 'Cos now I'm much older and gravity's winning. It's Nature's revenge for all that sinning, And those dirty memories are rapidly dimming, Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits 'Cos tits can be such troublesome things When they no longer bounce, but dangle and swing. And although they go well with my Bingo wings, I wish I'd looked after me tits. When they're both long enough to tie up in a bow, When it's not the sweet chariot that swings low, When they're less of a friend and more of a foe, Then I wish I'd looked after me tits. When I was young I got whistles and hoots, From the men on the site to the men in the suits, Now me nipples get stuck in the zips on me boots, Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits When I was younger I rode bikes and scooters, Cruising around with my favourite suitors. Now the wheels get entangled with my dangling hooters, I wish I'd looked after me tits. When they follow behind and get trapped in the door, When they're less in the air and more near the floor, When people see less of them rather than more, Oh, I wish I'd looked after me tits 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------























Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob.




So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north.


After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. 'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.' 'Don't worry,' Jack said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn, and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.  They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.  It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it  was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, 'Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?' 'Yes, I do.' said  Bob 'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?' 'Well, um, yes !,' Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.' 'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?' Bob's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy, I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'  
 

   
'She just died and left me everything.' 


Irish Boys Confession
 
Bless me Father For I have sinned, I have been with a loose girl
The priest asks 'Is that you Dicky',
Yes Father it is
And who was the girl you were with
I cant tell you Father I don't want to ruin her reputation




Well Dicky I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now
Was it Mary Walsh?
I cannot say
Was it Teresa Brown? 
Ill never tell
Was it Margaret Doyle?
I'm sorry but I cannot name her
Was it Anne O Neil?
My lips are sealed
Was it Kathleen O'Tool then?
Please Father I cannot tell you
The Priest sighs in frustration You're very tight lipped Dicky and I admire that
But you've sinned and have to atone
You cannot be an alter boy for four months!!!!
Now go and behave yourself
Tommy goes back to his phew and his friend Tommy slides over and whispers, What did you Get??
 
Four months holiday and  Five good Leads 


The Accident    A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot.. The doctor comes in and says    'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but I'm afraid you were in a pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, everything seems to be OK, but there is a bit of bad news and I'm going to break it to you as gently as I can. Your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.' The bloke groans a bit (as you do) but the doctor goes on,    'We've checked your insurance and you've actually got up to £9,000 compensation coming to you and the good news is that we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work just as well as your old one, better in fact. But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap.. It is one thousand pounds an inch.' The bloke perks up a bit at this (as you would.)    'So it's a simple decision,' the doctor says, 'you need to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch willy before and you decide to go for a nine inch willy now, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine incher before and you decide only to invest in a five incher now, she might be a bit disappointed. So it's important that you consult with her to help you make the decision.'   The doctor comes back the next day.     'So,' he says, 'have you spoken with your wife?'   'I have.' says the chap.    'And has she helped you to make the decision?'    'Yes, she has,' he says.    'And what is the decision?' asks the doctor..    'We're having a new kitchen.'


 








The 1st Affair

A married man was having an affair
with his secretary.
One day they went to her place
and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep
and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed
and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.
'I can't lie to you,' he replied,
'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.'
She looked down at his shoes and said:
'You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!' 


The 2nd Affair 

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time
for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant
and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery
to see his new son..
He was horrified at the ugliest child
he had ever seen.
He told his wife: 'There's no way I can
be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
'Not this time! 


The 3rd Affair 

A woman was in bed with her lover
when she heard her husband
opening the front door..
'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'
She rubbed baby oil all over him,
then dusted him with talcum powde r.
'Don't move until I tell you,'
she said, 'pretend you're a statue.'
'What's this?' the husband inquired
as he entered the room.
'Oh it's a statue,' she replied,
'the Smiths bought one and I liked it
so I got one for us, too.'
No more was said,
not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up,
went to the kitchen and returned
with a sandwich and a beer.
'Here,' he said to the statue, have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
and nobody offered me a damne d thing.' 


The 4th Affair 

A man walked into a cafe,
went to the bar and ordered a beer.
'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'
'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked:
'How much for a nice juicy steak
and a bottle of wine?'
'A nickel,' the barman replied.
'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.
'Where's the guy who owns this place?'
The bartender replied: 'Upstairs, with my wife.'
The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs
with your wife?'
The bartender replied:
'The same thing I'm doing
to his business down here.' 


The 5th Affair 

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess.'
'There's no need to,' his wife replied.
'No,' he insisted,
'I want to die in peace
I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!'
'I know,' she replied,
'now just rest and let the poison work.'





































 




 

























 

 

Proper Attire for Lawn Bowling

Lawn bowling is considered to be a proper sport, especially when it’s played in competition and as such, there is a proper dress code that is required. Generally, if one remembers to wear all white or all cream, this will be appropriate but there are some specifics you may want to take into consideration.

Men and women both must wear white or cream slacks and a white or cream shirt. Shorts are permitted but if they are not an appropriate length, white or cream knee-socks must also be worn. Cardigans, jackets, and pullovers may be worn however, these too must also be white or cream-colored. Men can wear a hat if they so choose, as long as it’s white or cream in color and ladies are required to wear a white or cream-colored hat. Both men and women must wear white or cream-colored shoes with a rubber, non-skidding sole.

This dress code is generally only set in place during formal competition and of course, if you’re having a quick game in the yard with the kids or setting up the course during a family BBQ, feel free to play as you are!

Lawn Bowling Basics

Lawn bowling is a sport played outdoors or indoors, which consists of two types of balls: the bowl, which is what the player will use, and the jack, which is a ball that remains on the green (or course). The object of the game is to roll your ball closer to the jack than your opponent.
Hitting (often called firing) the opponent’s ball or the jack to make them move away or closer to a target, is allowed. Lawn bowling is played on a green, usually about 40-42 square yards. It is then divided into six sections, which are known as rinks, and although the bowls are sometimes referred to as ‘woods’ they are normally made of plastic composite. The bowls are generally just shy of six inches in diameter and weigh about 1.5 kilograms. They are always flattened on one end so that they will take a curved course when thrown.